


As I Softly Grieve

by TealFox10



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Character Death, Death, Depression, Graphic Description, Guilt, M/M, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 22:24:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20803967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TealFox10/pseuds/TealFox10
Summary: Alternative to what happened after the Halloween party, Michael couldn't handle anything anymore.





	As I Softly Grieve

As I softly grieve 

Michael had enough, he wss in too much pain, he miss Jeremy so much. It's been a week since Halloween and even though it was fall and it was cold he felt colder, numb. She's been crying for days, not even weed made him feel better. 

So now he was sitting on his bed feeling empty, with bloodshot eyes and out of tears because he's been crying for hours. His wrists, sore and red stained. In one hand a bloody razor, and on the other a bottle full of pain killers. He tossed the razor to the side table where there was a bottle of vodka and 2 envelopes, one labelled Mom and Mama and the other said Jeremy. 

He uncapped the painkillers and poured a handful to the other took a shaking breath, took the pills to his mouth and downed them with the vodka. The alcohol stung his throat but took another handful and another swing of vodka this one stung less and now he was feeling dizzy, and nauseous but he repeated until there were no more pills to swallow. His breathing became more and more irregular and the room was becoming darker and he was slipping on and off consciousness but he drowned the whole bottle to the last drop and tossed it to the side. He laid down on his bed clutching to his pillow until his grip went limp. 

*************************************

By the next morning one of Michael's mother went down to the basement, she was about to yell at her son at why he hasn't gotten ready for school. She knocked on the door. 

"Michael sweetheart are you ready for school?" She waited for an answer, but nothing came from the other side of the door. She tried again, this time knocking a little harder, "Michael Mell wake up young man" she shouted, but still no answer. The woman, getting frustrated with her son open up the door exclaiming, "Michael! Dear, wake up now or-" she froze at the sight, she say the 2 letters on the table, the bloody razor, and the empty bottles of painkillers and vodka. She couldn't believe what it was in front of her and she let out a blood chilling screech that alerted the other woman upstairs and she came out running down. 

"Laura what's wrong?" She asked and she saw the scene that was laid out in front of her her son laying unconscious in the bed. 

The two women were devastated they have lost their beloved son. 

************************************* 

Jeremy was called to the counselors office that morning, he felt odd, something in the air felt off. The squip was trying his hardest to convince him that it was nothing. 

As he walked in the office, there was one of the school counselors sitting at his desk looking really grimmed and Michael's moms, Laura and Danielle, sitting on a couch, Jeremy felt his stomach sink to the depth of the earth at the looked they give him. Now he was sure that something was incredible wrong. 

"Is...is there something wrong? Where is Michael?" Jeremy asked the counselor avoided looking at Jeremy's Direction the room stays silent until one of Michael's mom's spoke up.

"Jeremy" Laura said, her voice hoarse and scratchy, "Michael, he-he-" she couldn't continue with the sentence as tears started to roll uncontrollably, and started to sob. Danielle, looking not saddened but pissed looked at Jeremy dead in the eye and without losing a beat, she said.

"Jeremy, Michael is dead," Jeremy felt cold at the statement. He felt his chest go tight and his heart shattered into a million pieces. He couldn't take a proper breath, and he knew it was his fault. He hurt his best friend and because of that he is gone. It was all his fault. He killed his best friend. He was spiraling. 

"Here," Danielle said bring Jeremy back to reality, she was holding an opened letter to him that said "Jeremy" in blue ink. He knew she read it and he knew that she knew that it was all his fault. As he took it he locked eyes with the woman, in those eyes he saw a million emotions. 

He took the paper out and started to read. 

"To my player 2, 

Is 3 a.m. and I miss you I miss texting you all night, we shared feelings you were there for me for a lot of things and I was there for you too. But now you push me away, you don't talk to me anymore. I miss you so much. I love you but you can't stand the thought of me anymore. I tried. I tried. I tried but you kept pushing me away. I was hoping, I was yearning for you to come back to me. I was prepared to fight for our friendship. I want it you to fight for our friendship but you hurt me. You were my anchor. 

You knew I love you but you never love me back it was frustrating for me I thought I could do it be okay with that and pretend to be okay with that but you didn't want anything. You preferred other people over me, you preferred to be popular over me your friend, your best friend. That hurt me a lot. I am alone now, so alone. Every time I was around you I didn't feel alone. But now that you're gone from my life, now that we're not together at all it's so empty and cold. It's been about a week now that we haven't seen or talked to each other, since Halloween. Since you called me a loser.

The other night I dreamt about you, I dreamed that we saw each other again, you were so sorry, you hugged me tightly and you were so sorry. You promise me you'll try harder, and you were not going to listen to the squip. I wanted to kiss you and hug you tightly and never let you go but even in my dream I didn't, I couldn't. I was crying I wanted to hug you back and I wanted to forgive you but I couldn't forgive you. I couldn't let you in again even though we've been friends for years and I still love you and it hurts me so much. I miss you so much. I want you close again but I don't at the same time. I want to forgive you but I won't. I miss you so much but I don't want to see you. I still remember the good memories, all those 12 years. I love you so much but I don't want to see you or hear you nor I want you near me but I still love you. This is why I have to leave. I don't want to be in pain anymore everytime I see you knowing that you don't see me. 

Your player 1 

Good Bye. 

PS. I know how to stop the squip, you just have to drink Red Mountain Dew. There is a bottle in my dresser just in case but it isn't like you would listen."

Jeremy was crying now. He was sobbing and he fist the letter in his hands. He wanted to go back. Back to the party and take it back. He wanted Michael back. His best friend. His soulmate. His player 1. He wanted his Michael but it was too late. Not even the squip could do anything. He cried till his eyes gone red. He missed the rest of school, his dad picked him up, thankfully he gotten informed, he let Jeremy missed the next day of school as well. That afternoon he spent the rest of the day crying his eyes out. He felt so guilty. He made a decision. It wasn't worth it anymore. So he got up and rushed outside. He ran and ran and ran to Michael's house he was grateful that Laura and Danielle where out. So he got in with the spare key underneath the welcome mat and went down to Michael's bedroom looking for the Mountain Dew red the squip tried everything to stop Jeremy but he couldn't do anything about it. She took a swing from the bottle and immediately fell unconscious. 

When he woke up again, he was still on the floor in Michael's bedroom. Looking at his phone he was out for about 3 hours. Now he was squip free but also he was without Michael now. He stood up and walked to his dressed again and found Michael's favourite red sweatshirt and put it on. It still smelled like him. Like weed, red cherry slushy and mint. He later heard Michael's mothers come in so he carefully sneaked out of the house. 

The next day that Jeremy attended class, the whole school knew what had happened, news spread quickly and everyone couldn't look at Jeremy in the eye, not even the teachers. He still had Michael's sweatshirt on. For days he was an empty shell. Nothing made him smile, he didn't eat, he couldn't sleep. All he wanted was Michael back. He wanted to be with Michael, he would do anything to have him back. So that's what he did. He took his dad's car keys and locked himself in the garage, jump on the car and started the engine. He pressed the gas pedal as much as he could until she couldn't breathe any more and fell unconscious in the drivers sit. His last thought being with Michael again. 


End file.
